Oh, I've Done That: Blog Swap 2011

Hello readers! For this post we're trying something new! As you may know, Becky and I are members of the 20 Something Bloggers Community, and they were creative enough to facilitate a Blog Swap for its members! We were paired up with Kanan from the blog Cheesecake. So take a look at the fun post he wrote for us and head on over to his blog to see our post, and check out the rest of his writings as well! He's a funny guy, and his post is unlike anything we've had on the blog before, so I will give you the same advice that he gave me before reading it: Keep an open mind!

Hi guys! Sorry we’ve been MIA but um.. but um… Okay I can’t do this anymore. We’re on the run. The countryside sweeps and billows past us in drunk hiccups and you know, I’ve never seen anything like this. We’re driving past a landscape where the dominant life form seems to be cars on fire. I think I was told to keep guard but that has little meaning in a car. Becky has passed out in the back seat. She wakes up every now and then to scream. Kanan is driving and keeps gyrating and singing to spice girls songs. This is both extremely dangerous and wildly inappropriate, considering…

Well I start at the start. It was just any other thursday, we were doing our thing, y’know going and getting stuff, squat thrusts and what have you, when this guy showed up at our door.

He beamed at us with his arms stretched outward. “The goal getters! I love you guys!” he said and took a step forward.

“It’s the go getters” I corrected, while automatically backing away. Something was not right about this. I’m usually more cordial to strange men who show up at our door, but few did so with that much enthusiasm.

“I’m here for the blog swap!”, he said beaming, and pointed to his T-shirt which said ‘Slog bwap’, which we still don’t find funny.

We couldn’t just turn him away, he flew in from a different country for Christ’s sake! So I thought the least we could do was invite him in before we explained to him exactly how this was supposed to work. He came inside and in a second had scanned all our doors and windows and plopped on our sofa, stopping to inform us of our kitschy decor. “Where is your blog?” he asked, half expecting it to be lying around somewhere.

“It’s on… the internet?” said Becky, who seemed suddenly unsure of this fact.

“Oh good choice, good choice” said Kanan scratching his chin “that way the bugs dont-”

“ok WHY are you here?” I began. “This is really not how-”

“BLOG SWAP!” he said happily leaping to his feet. “I’m here to do things! Come on! you’re the goo dangers!

“Go getters” corrected Becky. “Look how a blog swap works is-”

“I’m asian. I know” said Kanan, rolling his eyes and leaping on our coffee table. He would do this a lot. “I have a list” he said, digging in his back pocket. “ A manly list. A list of things with things you can cross off”

“You’re too liberal with the use of the word ‘things’” said Becky, forgetting the insanity of our circumstances for a moment. “Hand your list over to me,” she said and he complied. Becky read the list and wordlessly passed it to me.

“This is a list of people’s names” I said slowly. “I know some of these people. How do you-?”

“Grapevine!” interjected Kanan happily, with hand gestures that I’ve never seen before. Sufficeth to say they somehow conveyed the idea of a grape vine. “There are only ten people or so, that should be easy enough. After all you are the gang bangers!”

“GO GETTERS” I said through gritted teeth. “Look, we talked about having murder on our list but that’s generally in poor taste-”

“Relax, relax!” said Kanan. “I was only kidding”. His smile made me seriously doubt that, he took out another list and handed it to me. Contrary to his explanation, the piece of paper had “backup list” written on the top in what looked like lipstick.

“Alright so, number 1, Facebook-rape someone!” said Kanan reading off his palm, forgetting he had given me the list.

Somehow, I agreed. It was probably a temporary lapse of judgement or something about him that was strangely persuasive. Maybe it was the fact the he didn’t blink nearly enough. Bottom line was that it sounded fun and it was actually something we didn’t have on our lists.

We ended up making a little chit chat after we agreed, and Becky slipped away inside for something. In a split second Kanan had pulled me over to Becky’s now unattended laptop where her facebook page just happened to be open. He put his palm to his mouth and giggled effeminately. “Lets do it to her” he said and winked with both his eyes.

Not waiting for me to reply he quickly changed her status to “Just kidnapped the police chief’s daughter! lulzz!”

He smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Who’s the slum dog now?” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” I asked.

His body became rigid as he slid of the chair. I would have been surprised, but now I was just curious. Suddenly he leaped to his feet and turned to me.

“Ok well that’s enough of me, see you around tub thumpers!” said Kanan and before I knew it, he had exited our apartment through the window. I followed him and screamed “GO GETTERS” out of the window, but he had already disappeared.

It took about an hour for the police to show up. It took the warmth of two brain cells to figure out that the police chief’s daughter was missing. We were fucked. Well actually, Becky was fucked but I couldn’t really pretend to be happy about that could I? Not really in front of her anyway. We were about to go out with our hands up, when Kanan showed up at the back window. “Psst! Go hithers” he said.

“Go getters” I whispered and pulled Becky, who still wasn’t sure what was happening to the back window and we jumped out. Kanan had managed to get a car from somewhere. A purple minivan “gold diggers” painted on the side. We jumped in and drove. And just like that we were fugitives.

“Did you kidnap the police chief’s daughter?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

“Whaaat?” replied Kanan in an impossible falsetto. “I just think this is an appropriate time to go to say… Argentina?”

There was this bit about visas and things I tried to explain to Kanan but he kept waving his hand saying something about Esteban, a favour and leather chaps. It was all I could do to fall asleep.

I woke up and I’m pretty sure this is a different country. This is also a different car. I think my bowels are afraid to move. I realised I haven’t explained any of this to Becky, but I’m more stumped by the fact that she has asked no questions. I see a faint glimmer of understanding in her eyes, maybe she wasn’t lying about being in the child marines. You know what? I can at least cross something off the list.

Damn that list.

Damn that slog bwap.

Hope you all enjoyed! And don't worry, The Go Getters are okay! For more insanity, visit http://kanangill.blogspot.com and don't forget to check out our post there too!

And until next time, good luck exploring the infinite abyss.

Love Always,
The Go Getters